I’m Single & Loving it!

I haven’t been in a relationship since my freshman year in college. For 8 long years, I wasted my time dealing with dudes who I thought I could see myself dating. It wasn’t until this past year that I realized I’m missing the most important time of my life: BEING SINGLE! As women, we get caught up by the pressures that surround us. It’s always that family member asking you where your man is. Your timeline is flooded with engagements and people being booed up. I’m pretty sure being in a relationship is great, but being single is amazing! Being single is an important stage in your life and has many benefits. If you need a reminder of how dope your solo status can be, well get in formation:

Become a better you!

This time alone is valuable because you will start to learn a lot about your likes, dislikes, things you are passionate about, and much more. I believe it is crucial for everyone to know and love who they are so they won’t lose themselves when they get in a relationship. There is always room to grow, so take this time to be the best version for yourself.

Do not have to answer to anyone.

I love the fact that I can go anywhere and talk to anyone I want without explaining myself to someone. If I want to spend my Saturday in my pajamas eating pizza, drinking wine, and binge on The Walking Dead; that is what I’m going to do!

Travel more!

Don’t take this stage in your life for granted. Create you a bucket list of places you have always wanted to visit and start scratching them off the list. You have an advantage right now because you are not tied down to a family or significant other. You can just get up and go.

Start a new hobby.

You have all this extra time on your hands. Why not use it to your advantage? Find a hobby and stick to it. It could be volunteering, running, cooking, or learning how to play that dusty guitar that’s been sitting in your closet. Finding a new hobby will build your self-identity and help you establish your life without the need of a man.

Go on as many dates as you want with who you want.

One of the greatest things about being single is that if you go out on a date, you are not obligated to speak to that person anymore (unless you’re interested). I like the fact that I can still have male company with no strings attached.

Appreciate your time alone.

You don’t realize how much your space matters until you are in a relationship. Enjoy your time alone to meditate and have a quiet time. Moments like this will bring you positive vibes and peace, so when Mr. Right does come along he will complement your lifestyle rather than feeling like he is invading your privacy.

Save money!

I don’t know about you, but I can tell a lot about a person just by the way they handle their money. Even though you are not in a relationship, it doesn’t mean you can blow off your money on miscellaneous items. Use this time to improve your money management skills, learn about mutual funds, investments, and etc. Prepare yourself now so you will be ready to build your empire later.

You don’t have to share the bed.

This is self-explanatory. I mean…who doesn’t like all the extra arm and leg space?

You don ‘t need to consider someone else in your decision-making.

Meeting people half way, compromising, and having deep discussions is officially out the window. OF course there are benefits to being thoughtful and a good communicator, however, you do not have the obligation to think of anyone else. You have the freedom to live your life the way you want. Take advantage of it!

You’re waiting on Mr. Right!

I know you get tired of being asked, “Why are you still single?” “Why are you so picky?” or “Is something wrong with you?” Don’t let this discourage you. Being single is not a death sentence! You have put too much energy into embracing the benefits of the single life to settle for Mr. Wrong.

Are there other ways you are enjoying the single life? Put your tips in the comments below or share them with me on Twitter!

The Benefits of having a Quiet Time

 

We can always have an impromptu talk with God throughout the day, but a quiet time is a period of time set aside to have a personal meeting with Him. Satan likes to keep us busy because it hinders us from hearing the still voice of God. It is necessary for me to spending time with God. I become frustrated, irritable, impatient, and starve spiritually when I allow other devices to order my steps. It’s amazing to see how much of an influence God is in balancing out your day. If this is not a regular routine for you, I promise you won’t be disappointed. Beginning your day with prayer, worship, and meditation gives you a clear mind and helps you conquer the day.

Let’s look at ways Quiet Time can positively affect your life and give you all-around success!

Peace

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)

If you be still for a moment and embrace God’s presence, he will clarify your thoughts. When we need a break, we go on vacation, take a long hot bath, or have a lazy day. However, the issues of the world immediately creep back in when it’s over. God gives us an inner peace that cannot be taken away. No matter what we go through there is great joy and ease in knowing who is greater.

Discipline

“And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice – the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him.” – Romans 12:1 (NLT)

I love my sleep, so it’s a struggle for me to wake up an hour early to give God my time. However, I’m seeing that my sacrifice is building discipline. Taking the time out of your schedule every day to have a personal time with God takes discipline. If you lack in this area, this will be a great start towards improving it. Start small with 10 minutes of quiet time every day. As you get better, increase your time. If you are trying to become a morning person like me, switch your quiet times to the morning and do the same thing. You’ll be surprised how much self-control you will gain and how much you are pleasing God.

Fulfillment

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” – John 10:10 (NIV)

There is no better source of inspiration than God. When you constantly seek out God, you are capable of recognizing God’s hand in your life. There is no doubt that God wants to give you an abundant life. How encouraging is that?

Renewed Mind

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” – Romans 12:2 (NLT)

When you deny yourself and accept God’s word daily, your whole outlook on life becomes different. It’s hard to keep your train of thought with all the noise and distractions. When Jesus needed a break, he withdrew himself from the crowd and spent time alone with God. The calmness and clarity that God can bring to your spiritual journey will help keep your focused, centered, and not be consumed by earthly things.

Intimacy

“Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.” – John 15:4 (NIV)

Spending time with God gives you a chance to express what is in your heart and mind. I can talk about all kinds of things to my best friends; however, the conversation is different when it comes to God. In your quiet times, your soul is bare and you are learning to give God your heart. This is the type of relationship He wants with us and this is one of the ways to get it. Once you realize the blessings that come from knowing the Lord, you will crave that fellowship with Him.

Wisdom

“Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise.” – Proverbs 19:20 (NIV)

We all can’t go through life without the help from someone else. It takes listening and discipline to make wise choices. God want us to be successful, but in order to be successful, we have to hear His will for our lives. Quiet times will help you understand that.

How have your quiet times help you?

Leave your thoughts in the comment section below or connect with me on Twitter!

6 Reasons Why He’s a Waste of Time

We all know that time is of the essence! That’s why it is so important for us to use it on things that we value most. However, as women, we tend to not place these same convictions on the men we talk to. Why is that? It’s because he’s good looking, has a nice body, makes you laugh, and great in bed! We’re not getting any younger and a nice smile and good sex can only get you so far! How will you know he’s not the one? Check out some of the red flags that you should know when it comes to avoiding Mr. Waste your time!

You don’t have a title.

I don’t know about you, but I need to know where we stand. If a guy tells you, “we’re just having fun,” RUN!

He doesn’t know what he wants.

Any man that can’t give you a clear answer on the future of your relationship needs to be left alone.

It’s all about sex!

Are you noticing that the only time you talk to him is during “booty call” hours? Sex is great! However, that’s the glue that is holding you both together. Without it…what do you really have? You need someone who values your company, not your body.

He’s always lying.

Who doesn’t like a habitual liar? I’ve been in many relationships and my biggest pet peeve is dishonesty. I refuse to spend every waking moment trying to find out if he’s lying or not and you shouldn’t either. It’s best to not dig for things because you will always find something you don’t want to see. You’re too good for that!

He doesn’t take you on dates.

Chilling at his house watching Netflix does not count! A man that does not pursue you will not invest in you, that includes taking time out of his schedule and money out his paycheck to take you on a date.

Conversations are only done through text.

The way technology has advanced over the years, a lot of people rather text than talk on the phone. I’ve actually talked to guys who prefer to text, but it didn’t mean that I couldn’t call them. If your guy dodges all of your calls and seconds later answers through texts, he is not taking you seriously.

What are your red flags for someone who is wasting your time?

Leave your thoughts in the comments below or share them with me on Twitter!

The FLOTUS Edition: Three Quotes to Overcome Adversity

 

When I think of the many surfaces of a woman, it is nothing short of amazing! We are the backbone to life’s creations, the supporters of our male counterparts, a sense of calmness in the storm, and an enduring spirit through all trials and tribulations. However, not all women have been able to tap into their true power. Sometimes, we need an extra push from a girlfriend to show us what we are true capabilities. In honor of Women History Month, I want to share three inspiring quotes from a woman – our girlfriend – who has graced many platforms delivering words that have convicted the hearts of many Americans and can help you overcome the adversity in your life – Michelle Obama.

“One of the lessons that I grew up with was to always stay true to yourself and never let what somebody else says distract you from your goals. And so when I hear about negative and false attacks, I really don’t invest any energy in them, because I know who I am.”

Michelle grew accustomed to taking flak long before taking center stage as the president’s wife. Born and raised in the South Side of Chicago, the odds were already against her. Based on statistics and her environment, she was not meant to be in the position she is in today.

Recognize your purpose in the world. Once you see your value, nothing can get in your way. The things you feed your spirit has an effect on how you deal with the obstacles in your life. Deny yourself every day from falling victim to negative claims and focus your thoughts on who you can be, not what others think you should be.

“You may not always have a comfortable life and you will not always be able to solve all of the world’s problems at once but don’t ever underestimate the importance you can have because history has shown us that courage can be contagious and hope can take on a life of its own.”

It took Obama many years to build a strong professional identity and seconds to have it stripped away when she first stood in front of the world as the FLOTUS.

From that moment, Obama has been criticized and closely scrutinized throughout her tenure. Yet, not once has she bent or folded. She has gracefully taken every word thrown at her and used them as stepping stones towards being one of the most revered women to step foot into the White House.

What are your doing when life gets uncomfortable?

In a society that makes everything into a competition, it’s impossible not to feel like you aren’t getting anywhere. Every defeat you take heed of creates the foundation for your life. You can build an unsteady and painful path with your obstacles or you can use them to bring out your fullest potential. It’s your choice!

“Instead of letting your hardships and failures discourage or exhaust you, let them inspire you. Let them make you even hungrier to succeed.”

As First Lady, Obama launched national initiatives such as, Let’s Move, which targets childhood obesity. She written two books, raised two awesome girls, and was a supportive wife all while the world tried to reduce her life based on what she wore, her values, how she addressed things, and the way she talked.

It’s simple. Perseverance will reap a great reward!

We all have different destinies, so at the end of the day, YOU are destined for something. Let that empower you to keep fighting every day. Success is your best revenge!

Who has inspired you to overcome adversity in your life? How?

Leave your thoughts in the comment section below or connect with me on Twitter!

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Are men intimidated by natural hair?

I had a conversation with my sister a while back about getting dreads. I’ve been natural for over five years; but I always adored her, and countless others, intriguing locs. As we are talking, she immediately asserts that I should wait until I get married to loc my hair (Side Note: She is happily married!). That made me upset because I don’t like the idea of trapping my man under false pretenses hoping that when I make a drastic change he will still look at me the same. I don’t like it and I shouldn’t have to do it!

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So, I question, are men intimidated by our natural hair?

New woman=New hair

You know the part in Waiting to Exhale when Bernadine Harris’ (Angela Basset) husband leaves her for another woman. As a way to obtain closure and symbolize the next phase in her life, she cuts her hair!

To her stylist, she was crazy. To a woman who has done the “big chop”, she is confident, bold, and liberated to start over as her true self! Most men don’t comprehend that feeling. When they see a woman make a drastic change, red flags go up. They may assume we are emotional and/or going to do something bad.

We’re comfortable in the skin we’re in.

Not all, but some men refrain from approaching women with natural hair. I can count on one hand how many men have looked my way, but never approached me. Now when I have my weave, there is no hesitation. I feel confident with my hair natural or straight. I supposed when you combine confidence with a revolutionary hairstyle, men can be intimidated by that.

You are seen as a threat.

Our curls, kinks, and coils are not just the way our hair grows…it’s a statement! Weak-minded men will refrain from approaching us because they may see it as rebellious and non-submissive. In reality, being in our true element is so sexy and feminine! Only a mentally conscious man will gravitate towards that type of aura.

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There is nothing more beautiful than a woman who is unapologetically her natural self. It will be awesome to have a man who embraces those things about us. Until then, do not define your worth or beauty by other’s judgements. If a man doesn’t want to accept it, you don’t need him anyway. A Black woman’s beauty comes in different shapes, sizes, and curl patterns. Be your ROYAL self and your King will be there to await you!

What are your thoughts about men and natural hair? Do you agree/disagree with my observations?

Let me know in the comments below or share them with me on Twitter!

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3 Lessons from Kobe: Building a successful career

SAN DIEGO, CA- OCTOBER 6: Kobe Bryant #24 of the Los Angeles Lakers stands on the court during a game against the Denver Nuggets. Copyright Notice: Copyright 2014 NBAE (Photo by Noah Graham /NBAE via Getty Images)

 

I’m not a true Kobe or Lakers fan (Go Mavs!). However, I have always admired his love and dedication to basketball and his team. Although he’s an athlete, I believe the steps he took to be successful should be applied to the lives of every career-driven person.

Here are three lessons out of a trillion that Kobe has displayed to achieve a prosperous 20-year career in the NBA.

Be a leader.

 “The important thing is that your teammates have to know you’re pulling for them and you really want them to be successful.” – Kobe Bryant

People may not always agree with you, but they will respect you because they see that you want what is best for the team. As a leader, you can’t be afraid to say what needs to be heard. You’re going to strike a nerve, but at the same time they will appreciate you for pointing out something that will better the whole team.

Success takes sacrifice.

Kobe is not a stranger to fighting through adversity.

 “I’ve played with IVs before, during and after games. I’ve played with a broken hand, a sprained ankle, a torn shoulder, a fractured tooth, a severed lip, and a knee the size of a softball. I don’t miss 15 games because of a toe injury that everybody knows wasn’t that serious in the first place.” – Kobe Bryant

This doesn’t include the long nights, early mornings, missing family time, and much more. It is this type of dedication and hard work that rewards 5 NBA Championships and a spot as one of the highest scoring NBA Players. What are you willing to sacrifice to make it to the top?

There is always room for improvement.

Although we are blessed with many talents and gifts, we should never feel that we have all together. There is always room to enhance our current skills and learn new things. When you reach success, do not let it go to your head.

“It’s really about wanting to learn and feeling like your cup is always empty; because there’s always more that you can fill it with. That’s really the important thing and just continuing to learn, learn, learn.” – Kobe Bryant

Kobe is one of the greatest players in the NBA because he continuously found something to work on. He was always hungry to learn more.

What lessons have you learned from Kobe Bryant? Tell me about them in the comments below or reach out to me on Twitter!

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3 Questions to Jump Start your Spiritual Journey

As human beings, we go through life with wool over our eyes. That “wool” being self-gratification, greed, feeling inadequate, and much more! Then one day, you stop, look back, and realize you never really gotten that far in life because you are hungry for more. I’ve struggled many years with my precision, self-discipline, and being unfulfilled. I was stuck and didn’t know how to overcome it. I had to sit down and transform the way I do things. This journey is not accomplished overnight, but you have to get motivated if you want to bring more meaning into your life.

Ask yourself…

Where are you from?

You are more than from the city that you live in or the family you were born into. You came from God. He created you according to His will. Acknowledging Him as the creator of all things will shift your perspective of the world and your life.

What is your purpose? Why are you here? 

No one really knows where their life is headed and you can’t spend the rest of your life trying to find out. What has helped me build a foundation to a purpose-driven life is doing things that I’m passionate about, having fun, and trying new things! Also, don’t cheat yourself and God by holding on to the talents He has blessed you with. Figure out how to use them in a way that benefits other. It’s all about loving the life you live, living the life you love, and spreading it along the way.

Where are you going after you die?

There are only two choices: Heaven or Hell. You have to really think about where you want to end up. I believe that when one knows where their destiny lies, they will do what they have to do to get there or stay away from it. This should be the fuel that ignites your journey.

What are some things you have to ask yourself when your spiritual life needs a jump start?

Let me know your thoughts on Twitter, Instagram, and/or Facebook!

 

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How Sarah Baartman’s Forgotten Life Can Be Your Vindication?

Just like any other woman, I struggle with insecurities.

There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t complain about my skin, my kinky hair or my body.

Our fellow sisters, Lauryn Hill, Whitney Houston, and India Arie gifted us with words that inspired us to love the skin we’re in and embrace the many physical changes we go through.

On top of that, we have countless representations of Black women, such as Michelle Obama, Taraji P. Henson, Serena Williams, and Ava DuVernay; that motivate us through the confidence that seeps from their pores.

Therefore, we have no excuse to be insecure. Then again, being Black has its own unique case. No matter what we do, we subconsciously demean ourselves without even realizing it.

Society has always done things, without our discretion, to perpetuate their belief of our racial inferiority.

The perfect illustration comes from the meaningful, yet, not so notable Saartjie “Sarah” Baartman.

Baartman, also known as “Hottentot Venus”, was taken from South Africa to Europe in her early 20s and put on display as a freak show attraction in the 19^th century. She became the object of scientific and medical research.

She spent four years in Britain being viewed as a savage woman because of her large buttocks, voluptuous shape, and big lips. After Baartman’s death, her sexual organs were put on display until 1974.

For decades, society has used the Black women’s body to draw a line between what is “abnormal” (our bodies) and “normal” (white beauty).  They were destroying us before we got a chance to love us.

We may not be able to change the world’s view of the Black woman, but we can renew our minds to value the skin we’re in.

Baartman didn’t have the chance to love herself the right way because outside devices were there to tell her she was distasteful. A body used for shame and abuse can never be a representation of esteem and worship without self-love.

So, how can the forgotten life of  Sarah Baartman be your vindication?

1. Don’t let your past define your future.

It’s tough to let go of insecurities that you have been carrying for years. However, today is the day that you need to say “enough is enough” and take action. You can’t change the things that have happened, but you can control how big of a part it will play in your future.

2. You were made in God’s image. Embrace it!

God makes no mistakes. You were wonderfully made with care. If European features were the official trademark for beauty, everyone would have them.

3. Build self-love by having an “Hour of Awe” every morning!

I’ve learned at my church that it’s important to dedicate time every morning to prepare for your day. Your first thoughts determine how the rest of your day goes. Try implementing an “Hour of Awe” this week and reflect on how you feel by the end. The morning routine consists of:

• Starting your morning with 30 minutes of exercise to clear your mind
• During your cool down, have a scripture/quote ready to meditate on for 5 minutes
• Spend the next 5 minutes speaking constructive feedback about something you are insecure about and steps you are going to take to overcome it
• 10 minutes of reading (i.e. Bible, self-guidance book, and etc.)
• 10 minutes of prayer/journaling

4. Do not let Sarah’s life go in vain.

Be the voice that Sarah never got to use. It’s up to you to break the cycle and clear Black women from all accusations that society fostered upon them. Don’t use the “standards of beauty” as an excuse as to why you can’t overcome your insecurities. If you keep building your foundation on top of the scornful, demeaning, and ill-fated ground made for Sarah, you will always sink.

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Then he says, “You deserve better!”

I haven’t been in a relationship since my freshman year of college. If you’re trying to do the math, it’s been about 7 years. For personal reasons, I didn’t want to be in another relationship. I just wanted to “have fun”, but the worst thing happened. I caught FEELINGS! This guy and I have been hanging out for the majority of this time. I have been suppressing my feelings through most of it.  Last year, I was like, “Enough is Enough!” If I was ever given the opportunity, I was going to tell him how I feel.

One night, we were hanging out with a group of his friends and decided to go to his room and talk. Out of nowhere he asks, “Do you like me?” Yes, this was my moment. I said, yes, along with some other nice things. He smiles, looks at me, and says, “You deserve better!” I really didn’t say anything afterwards. I wasn’t for sure how to feel.

It took some time for me to wrap my head around it and to be quite frank, I do appreciate his honesty. Over the course of our “situation-ship,” he has been nothing but 100% real with me. If this has ever happened to you, it can be mind-boggling to know that you chose someone but he didn’t choose you back. Deep down he knows that he’s not ready to commit to you. It’s time to wake up, see that he’s not the one and RUN! Don’t get me wrong it has not been easy. I am guilty of slipping a few times. A 5+ year habit is hard to break overnight. However, we all deserve to want someone who wants us back.

As stupid as we may think these guys are, we have to ask ourselves: Will I be settling? Does he actually think he’s not good enough? If you are settling, move on. If he has his own insecurities, still move on. Either way, you can’t want it for him. He will have to see his potential on his own!

Don’t stay in a situation because you feel comfortable or fear to be alone. This mindset will only invite relaxed men who do not want commitment and you need to break this cycle! Take this opportunity to fall in love with yourself all over again. There is nothing more attractive than a woman who knows what she wants and values herself. When you exude these qualities, get ready for all the REAL men to come and embrace them. Let’s respect us enough to walk away when something is not making us grow or happy. You are not alone. We are in this together because we deserve it.

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